


Actual Cuties

by goodluckgettingtosleep



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff and Crack, Jealous!Dan, Jealousy, M/M, This Is Not Clickbait
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 16:52:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16350482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodluckgettingtosleep/pseuds/goodluckgettingtosleep
Summary: Dan wasn’t having the best day of his life, to say the least. It had all started with a video, a joke, which had then turned into a bet, and now here they were.Or, Phil hires a Thor-like Adonis to model their new merch - ultra-tight swimming trunks - and Dan gets jealous.





	Actual Cuties

**Author's Note:**

> This is just for the lols and I wrote it in like an hour, so please don’t take it too seriously. It was prompted by a dumb conversation I had with my friend Taylor on Twitter after we watched the most recent gaming video (this is not clickbait) and here we are.

Dan wasn’t having the best day of his life, to say the least. It had all started with a video, a joke, which had then turned into a bet, and now here they were. The worst idea they ever had, undoubtedly, but it had been awhile since they’d done something ridiculous their fandom could keep teasing them for and go nuts over for years to come, so really it was about time to release ultra-tight swimming trunks and I.Q. boosting fedoras on Dan and Phil Shop. They had a crackhead reputation to uphold after all, now that cat whiskers, llamas, and placentas were mostly relicts of the past stored away in a box in a cupboard in Dan’s mind labelled ‘repressed memories’. So anyway, it had been a bad idea, but bet was bet, Dan had lost it, so now they were releasing swimming trunks and fedoras in pastel colours with D&P printed on them in a rather obnoxious size. 

That itself was enough for Dan to knock his head into a wall, but naturally, Phil had also insisted on hiring the model himself, which meant that he’d spent three days going through portfolios of attractive men in underwear until he’d found someone who met his expectations. 

Dan narrowed his eyes at the blond Thor-like Adonis that currently occupied all of Phil’s attention and bit his tongue, white hot rage starting to swell up inside of him. Phil had been making eyes at the model all day, or rather for a whole week if one considered the fact that he’d hung his headshots up on their fridge. And it would be fine, really, Dan had always supported his obsession with Thor like men, but then they’d met _Aiden_ and Phil had blushed like a schoolgirl, clumsily flirting with the guy as if Dan wasn’t even _there_ and _Aiden had fucking flirted back,_ which had been the exact moment that morning when Dan’s mood had gone down the drain. It was ridiculous, mostly, because he knew Phil loved him and would never do anything with anyone to hurt Dan, but Dan was and had always been a jealous person and anyway, what right did _Aiden_ have to even lay eyes on _his_ Phil. 

“How do I look?” Aiden asked, shoving his crotch out and presenting the cursed ultra-tight pastel pink swimming trunks Dan would very much like to rip off his firm butt and burn in a hellfire. 

Phil stared for a moment, eyes wandering over the outline of Aiden’s dick, swallowing before looking back up and nodding. 

“You look— great! Doesn’t he look great, Dan?” 

Dan huffed out a breath. 

“Yeah, fucking amazing,” he said grumpily, not even trying to hide his pettiness. To be fair, Aiden did look pretty great. He was a fit lad, and Dan wasn’t blind. Still, Dan didn’t like him because he appeared to like Phil too much, which only served to make him feel stupid and ridiculous, which in turn made him like Aiden even less. 

But Phil was too preoccupied staring a bit more to even notice his disgruntlement.

“This was a great idea,” Phil eventually noted, “Neither I nor Dan could’ve pulled those off. I would’ve looked like an awkward pale giraffe with no abs anywhere in sight.” 

Aiden’s eyes not so subtly wandered all over Phil’s body, and when he met his eyes again he smiled charmingly. “I don’t know, man, I don’t think I would mind that sight at all.” 

It was such a forward and undeniably suggestive comment to make that Dan almost took a double take, and Phil blushed furiously. Which obviously,  _ Aiden _ noticed too.

“Aww, you’re blushing. That’s cute.” 

It only served to turn Phil’s cheeks an impossibly deeper shade of red, and Dan to clench his fists at his sides. 

“Shut up!” Phil giggled. He actually  _ giggled _ . “ _ You’re _ cute!” he blurted in a failed attempt of a come back. Dan couldn’t believe it.

Aiden just smiled brightly and gave Phil a look that could only be described as bedroom eyes.

“Ha. Remind me to give you my number later,” he said with a wink, and Phil looked like he was about to faint. And then that absolute motherfucker just nodded instead of doing the right thing and telling Mr. I-have-abs-and-look-like-Thor that he had a fucking boyfriend and he was standing right next to him. 

For fucks sake. That was just about enough. Dan felt his jealousy turn into rage as it was burning hot inside his chest, eradicating every rational thought he had left. 

“That won’t be necessary,” he all but spat, and that finally made Phil’s head snap around to him, eyes wide, almost like he’d forgotten he was there. At least he had the decency to look caught and sorry. 

Aiden laughed lightheartedly at Dan’s outburst, apparently completely oblivious to the sudden tension in the room. 

“You can have it too, mate,” he said and that just caught Dan completely off guard. He didn’t expect to be flirted with as well. Nor did he actually want Adonis’ number, thank you very much. But if Phil could flirt then so could he.

“Hmm. And what would you want me to use it for?” 

Aiden winked at him, blue eyes confident on the verge of being cocky, teeth just a tad too white when he smiled. He was just a little too perfect, Dan thought.

“I’m sure you could think of a thing or two.”

Fucking hell. 

Dan heard Phil gasp next to him, and it was a sound so satisfying that Dan crossed his arms in front of his chest, pleased with himself.

The photographer came in before anyone could say anything else, but Dan felt Phil’s eyes boring into him for a few moments before he turned his attention back to the photoshoot and  _ Aiden _ .

Of fucking course. 

Aiden kept flexing his muscles for several different poses, showing off the trunks from every possible angle. And Phil just kept staring again, completely unfazed by Dan’s presence.

And it was fine, really, Phil could look at and appreciate a cute guy who was clearly interested in him. But it still made Dan’s jealousy sky rocket so high he felt like he was about to just lose it like a mad man. 

“I think we should oil him up to make it more dramatic,” Phil suggested after a while, already walking over to the table with the probs to get the body oil. He went to hand it to Aiden, but Thor’s clone just shook his head

“You do it.” 

And that’s how Phil ended up applying oil on a cute model’s chest, slicking him all up, hands sliding over his abs so gently while Aiden looked at him appreciatively and— was that bulge in his trunks actually growing? 

That was ENOUGH. 

The rage washed over Dan in a heartbeat, burning from his stomach up his chest, making him move over and shove Aiden away from Phil.

“You’re fired,” he growled, eyes narrowed.

“Dan!” Phil exclaimed, shock written all over his face. He should’ve seen it coming. He knew Dan. He  _ had to know _ .

Aiden’s eyes widened. 

“What? Why?” 

“Because. There is only one person who gets to have a boner from Phil Lester’s touch, and that’s  _ me _ .” 

Understanding settled on Aiden’s face, and he looked back and forth between Dan and Phil.

“Mate, you could’ve just told me he’s your boyfriend. I ain’t about laying hands on another man’s man. Sorry.” 

And that just deflated Dan, somehow. His rage seeped away, and he sighed, cheeks growing hot.

“I’m sorry. Habit, I suppose. But you’re still fired.” 

“Oh man, I was really excited for this job. And the paycheck.”

Dan looked at him, suddenly feeling a little bad for him. He hadn’t really done anything wrong.

“We’re still gonna pay you. But you have to leave now.”

Aiden nodded, clearly relieved. Maybe he really did need the money. 

“Alright, thanks man. And— I’m sorry. You’re a lucky man though,” he said and grinned in Phil’s direction before turning around and heading out the door. 

“Dan!” Phil whined when he was gone.

Dan glared at him, and Phil actually turned his lips into a  _ pout _ .

“Why would you send Thor away? Now we don’t have a model  _ and _ we have to pay him anyway?” 

“Well, Phil, maybe you shouldn’t have been  undressing him all the way with your eyes then. Or literally make him want to bone you.”

“He wanted to bone you too!!” 

“But I didn’t wanna bone him,” Dan said, eyes still narrowed.

“Neither did I.”

Dan laughed at that.

“Your eyes betrayed you there, mate.”

Phil’s eyes softened then and he stepped closer to Dan, hand coming up to cup his cheek.

“Dan. Why are you so jealous? You know I would never…”

Dan sighed, leaning into Phil’s touch.

“Of course I know. It’s just— he’s got  _ abs _ . And looks like Thor. And got a hard on for you. Sorry if that makes me feel insecure about my lanky ass giraffe limbs.”

“I love your lanky ass giraffe limbs. Dan,” Phil chuckled, shaking his head, “you silly goose. Who needs abs and Thor when I can have you? I love you so much, in the last nine years I haven’t even once felt the need to bone anyone else.”

Dan hummed, heat rising to his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to doubt you. But you know how I get sometimes. And you did flirt with him, and not subtly so. Which is fine, though. I know you would never act on it, I was just being an idiot. I guess I just love you that much, you dumb fuck.” 

Phil chuckled, eyes soft and warm and familiar on Dan. He looked fond of him, even Dan could see that, and he hadn’t even once looked fond of Thor, which was a fact that just pleased Dan immensely. For nine years and counting he had indeed been the luckiest man on earth, because he was and remained the only person to be on the receiving end of that look from Phil Lester.

Dan started chuckling too then, at himself, at the ridiculous situation he’d created, at the dumb ass against all odds love they shared. He grinned against Phil’s mouth when he kissed him, nails digging into his back to lay claim. 

“Mine,” he whispered into the kiss.

“Yours,” Phil agreed.

They stood there kissing like idiots until the photographer, who had been forced to witness the entire ridiculous scene, cleared his throat and asked what their plan for the photoshoot was now.

“I’m gonna do it,” Dan declared, and that’s how he ended up posing in ultra-tight pink swimming trunks while Phil was staring at  _ him _ appreciatively and later oiling  _ him _ up and then much later, when the photographer had gone and they were alone, taking the pink monstrosity off to have his way with him. 

“They looked much better on you than they could ever look on Thor or anyone else anyway,” Phil told him as he was peeling them off Dan’s hips, “Because you’re the prettiest of them all.”

Dan laughed, shivering and moaning obscenely when Phil wrapped a hand around him.

“You cheesy fuck. I’m not.”

“Yes you are,” Phil said, and shut him up with a kiss before Dan could protest again. 

Maybe his day wasn’t going so bad after all.

 


End file.
